Boyfriend (01)

Dear ---

I had an epileptic fit outside a nightclub. I thought you were my boyfriend. You had pushed me around before. You had your life centred around your nightlife friends. We went out together. I was left in the dark. I had an epileptic fit outside a nightclub and you were embarrassed. You had no training in emotional rescue. I was foaming at the mouth and that just wasn't cool. You were attracted to the big lights bright city. Interior boy, you fell inside yourself. I fell onto the sidewalk. I broke my jaw. You put me on drugs when I was nineteen. You put me in pornographic flicks. You sold my body to pay for your habit. You see, he had a habit. Of leaving me on sidewalks. Of pushing me around. Of going off with friends when I didn't know how to act around you or them. You left me to foam. Disappeared inside the club. The bouncers looked down on me shaking. Should they call a doctor? They thought I might be dead. Do we drag him into the alley? Your boyfriend, which I thought I was, was dying out here. Alone with you disappeared and indifferent. My body was a disappointment to you. You fell in love with a dead boy. We had no life together. We struggled to speak about anything. I was never cute, just convenient. I sang a sweet tune but that was never enough. I blame myself. I had an epileptic fit outside a nightclub and you had no training in emotional rescue. You left me for dead. Maybe I could just be dusted like a vampire. But no, I wasn't the bloodsucker. You sucked. Drained and white as a ghost was I. Often around you. Look at these puppy eyes. They adore you. You, such a cruel fucking master. I fell onto the sidewalk and nearly broke my jaw. Split lip and blood. Messed around, shaky, unstable. You were never one for holding on. Or I guess just holding. Just hold me. That is not a question.

Yours ---

JASON